Fandom ramblings...

[shi_koi]

Okay, I have to admit, way back when – which really was a long time ago, I used to watch my brother play Final Fantasy. My favourite one was FFVII, but at that point in time I had no idea about anime or manga or the fact that people talked about the games they liked with other people.

The term 'Fandom' didn't exist for me either.

Then, one day, I saw a picture of this absolutely gorgeous man. I drooled. Yep. Embarrassing, wasn't it? It took me four years an a helluva lot of random surfing on the net to find out who he was.

Guess who?

Squall Leonhart.

Now by this point in time I already had fallen in love with Cloud Strife and was in lust with Sephiroth, but since I still had no idea that people actually did things like admire fictional characters, I hid it. Anyway, I also had a massive crush on David Duchovny, who was the single reason I started watching X-Files. (I even bought a four-foot poster of him, tastefully done in black and white and shades of grey, ::sigh::)

Of course, I then kept watching because I developed a crush on Gillian Anderson as well, and I virtually emptied our local Forbidden Planet shop of posters of her and David Duchovny and their X-Files piccys.

I think it's got something to do with the face, because the exact same thing happened when I discovered Tsuzuki Asato, from Yami no Matsuei.

On a side note, the first film I ever went to see at the cinema was Disney's 'The Little Mermaid' and I had a fierce crush on Ariel. Since then I've always had a soft spot for red-headed girls/women – depending on my age at the time.

So, back to Squall. It wasn't until about three months ago that I began reading FFVIII fanfiction. Or actively looking for fanart. It's weird, but I guess I never really associated FFVIII with the other fandoms I read in.

Then, three months ago, I started getting into Kingdom Hearts (which is teh love), and since I was used to looking for fics and pics and stuff, I searched through a few fanfiction sites, and ended up finding a KH/FFVIII crossover.

Yes, I am slow when it comes to this stuff, believe it or not.

From the crossover, I went to the author's bio page and read another piece they'd done, which happened to be in the FFVIII section. The rest was history.

Now, you're probably wondering what the hell I'm doing, rambling on like this for no reason, when I could be doing something productive, like writing so I can update, right?

Well, it occurred to me, (yes, yes, I've heard the jokes), that for all my fandoms seem to rule my life now, it wasn't very long ago that I had no idea what anything meant, or that fandoms even existed beyond what I discovered mainstream, i.e. in magazines along with the paper and TV.

I've gone around in circles, stuck in one fandom after another, and generally wondered haphazardly all over the place, and I still have no idea of how many places are still out there, teeming with information, just waiting to be found.

One thing I do remember clearly, is all the mistakes I made when I started, first stepping into the murky waters of the fandom world.

I actually discovered fanfiction first, quite by accident. I've always adored games, any kind, all kinds, whether or not I'm any good at them or not, and my other half bought me a Yu-Gi-Oh! set when they first came out, along with a bunch of extras. He gifted me the Yugi Starter Deck on Valentines Day, with a stack lovely shiny packets of cards. Shiny things are always good, and they always get me in a good mood.

This was the perfect thing to get me for a Valentines present, because he got himself the Kaiba Starter Deck, made a couple of mugs of hot chocolate and said that he would spend the day with me in bed while we got used to the game.

Wasn't that sweet? All day in bed with his full attention, plus, something new to challenge us. (With many and frequent, er, breaks)

A few weeks later I went on-line at The Drum (Sheffield, UK), which was where he did some extra night-time work, and I used a computer to look up the different cards and stuff.

Well, while I was there, I stumbled onto the second part of a Pegasus/Yugi fanfic. At this point in time I had no idea that yaoi existed, much less what it was, but I'd watched the cartoons on TV, so I knew who the people were.

I read the fic. I was hooked. I read some more. I got addicted.

Thus my first baby steps into the scary world of fanfiction, which was full of weird scary words like 'yaoi' and 'lemon' and odd terms like 'seiyuu'.

From Yu-Gi-Oh! I went to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and from there to Stargate. I stayed in these three fandoms for quite a long while, nearly a year, reading yaoi/shonen-ai in YGO, anyone/Willow, anyone/Xander in BtVS, and anyone/Daniel, Jack/Daniel in SG-1. I also discovered subtitled anime, and that I could download manga, and that if I couldn't find something I wanted to read, I could write it myself.

Mind you, I still don't share even 1/200th of what I write or what I've written. Mostly because it's utterly gratuitous or clichéd, or because I've written some pretty bad stuff that even squicks me out, usually after something bad has happened.

After those three fandoms, I went wild, reaffirming my love of video game characters and anime characters and manga characters everything else. X-Files, (anyone/Mulder, although Krycek/Mulder is always going to be my favourite), Highlander (yes, I'm in Clan Denial, although Methos aka Adam whoever-the-hell he is now is always teh love), SW:TPM and a whole score of manga and anime fandoms, etc, and, discovered a whole lot more that I never dreamed existed.

My first yaoi manga was by Ayano Yamane, and was listed as 'You're my Loveprize in Viewfinder'. I think it's called the Finder series now. Try here for them.

I found out the difference between raw manga and scanlated manga, and I discovered that I should never, ever, ever EVER try and download doujinshi from Livewire. All you get is really bad foreign pr0n, and not the kind of stuff that's worth watching. Bleugh!

The rest of it all, as they say, was history.

I'm only now starting to get back to by old favourite fandoms, the pages for which have sometimes disappeared. I am soooo grateful for the wayback machine. ::huggles:: 

There are fics I re-read now, and I've found I get more out of them than I used to, which is odd, but nice, and if I need a reminder of how a character looks, I pop over to deviantART and input a quick search. 8/10 times there'll be something there that's worth looking at.

I've never once regretted getting involved in the fandoms I have, and although I've had some really, really nasty people around to insult me, my interests, laugh on the bus if I'm reading manga, or generally insult my fics simply because I write fanfiction instead of 'proper writing', well, it doesn't really matter.

All I have to do is think of the many hours I've whiled away writing, reading, enjoying fanart and discussions, whether actively taking part or lurking with enjoyment, the forums and quizzes (which I think most of us go through wanting to do at some stage or another), the polls, or when egroups became yahoogroups, and I don't regret anything...even if people do think I'm an oddball. And nuts, can't forget the nuts.

The only thing I wish, is that is was easier finding out all this information. I limited myself in my fandoms because I didn't want to step on people's toes. I didn't post because I didn't think I was good enough, still don't in most cases, and sometimes it feels as though I'm the last person to find things out, and I don't want to accidentally insult someone.

Fandom is wonderful, but I'm still a bit scared, I guess.

I'm going to stop here, because of how long I've been ranting.

Hugs,

~Shi-koi~

Comments

[grygon.livejournal.com]

wow, your fandom history sounds a bit like mine. and i LOVE krycek/mulder and cloud. :)

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

Isn't Krycek/Mulder teh love? Isn't it? Isn't it? ::nods head rapidly::

Cloud...::Drools:: I adore him. ::huggles::

[cherry-san.livejournal.com]

... Oddly enough, your first dwelve into fanfictions is eerily similar to my own (even the same fandom). XDD;; Though it was much more of a "looking for fanart but found fanfiction" thing. xD;

My first yaoi series that was technically Shounen-Ai? Gravitation. Wanna know why? -shifty- I fell in love with -your- YGO fics, looked at your other stories, saw Gravitation on there, had no idea what the storyline was, checked it out at the bookstore, and FWAH. Magical. xD;

It's always fun to look back and figure out how you got to your current fandom niche. I've flittered and fluttered to so many fandoms and even now, I can't stop moving around in circles. Like you said, if only finding all of this out was easier, instead of having to traipse around mindlessly before you trip and stumble onto something great.

Anyway~ <3.

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it. I end up off-line for two weeks and it seems like everything suddenly goes to hell. Mind you, it's much more apparent on GaiaOnline than it is on LJ, but still...I really do wish it was easier to get information, even if it was just on more places to interact or to find fics.

Hehehehe...can I tempt you into any other fandoms? ::cackles::

[cherry-san.livejournal.com]

Urg. I know that feeling. I was on vacation for a few weeks awhile back and my Friends list on LJ was horribly backed up. I never actually went through it and ended up phasing out a bit from LJ. (Thought some of it was a loss of interesting in one fandom.) On Gaia, I just kinda gave up. @.@ I mean, if I'm missing for two days, I'm already backed up in pages and pages of a thread. I'm sure if I went through my friends list now, I'd be missing masses and masses. (For sure, I've already missed a few episodes of the newly released OVA and two musicals. XD And goodness knows what else.)

.. Maybe. <.< Probably. XD

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

Er...there're a few new quests, which are basically crap. They have a new anime up, called Mushi-Shi, which is surprisingly not that bad, although I went over on Veoh to watch it subbed instead, after watching episode one in English.

I just like playing dress-up, to be honest, and I tend to post in my guilds more than anywhere else...

I just got the confirmation that my report of verbal abuse and harassment has been taken care of, thank goodness...

Other than that, I like Gaia because it's a good way to relax (like with the jigsaws) when my mind is on overdrive.

[cherry-san.livejournal.com]

Ee. I love Mushishi. XDD;; My friend prodded me into it awhile ago and I was a bit skecptical since it was different but it was amazing. 8D I never even watched it in English really. XD;

The dress-up part is defiantely a high point. I could just sit there and screw with the little pixels to make my avi look sparkly. XD I'm an admitted Breedables addict on there. Or was, I kinda died the last few months due to other stuff (AKA school). I still poke me head around to play dress up and buy new items to mess with though. XD

The slots are the best way to just kinda relax. I mean, you sit there and push a button. It's pretty mindless? xD

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

Heh. Yeah. I have to wait a bit, because I go through tokens on the BlackJack like mad.

Mushi is fun, isn't it? I'm only up to episode five, in that I've watched 1-4, but the last one mad me so sad. I felt really bad for the poor guy, because I get really bad nightmares, and having an affliction which makes them come true is a scary prospect.

[cherry-san.livejournal.com]

XDD;; I'm kinda of the same. And then I hate buying tokens because I know I'll end up losing money. XD;;

It is. D: The episodes are so bittersweet. Like... they end kinda happy yet not at the same time. ;.; I remember that episode rather clearly. It was one of my favorites and had that entire creep factor to it with the whole ;_____; part.

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

::shudders:: Yeah, and my other half wondered into the room and watched over my shoulder just as that guy sliced the pillow open and he got cut as well, and he said, "What the hell're you watching?" looking all confused.

He ended up watching a few minutes and then wandered back out, shaking his head and going "Weird. You're definitely weird. Cute, but weird." ::laughs::

[cherry-san.livejournal.com]

xDD;; That must have been amusing. My sister has walked into the room while I've watched some animes and she just gives me a funny look and leaves. Then again, she always seems to wander in at the oddest moments, usually when the -only- weird spot the anime has decides to flash across the screen. XD;

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

Mmn. I started off, as I said, stuck in a few fandoms. Not because I wasn't a fan of much, but I really didn't know anything, especially how to find information out about them.

I love video games. I haven't played all that many, but I used to watch my brother sometimes, and I'm trying to finish FFX, after restarting it for the fourth, or is it fifth time?

I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so if I think I haven't done something right, I'll restart. Since I'm also a procrastinator, you can see how that causes many many many problems. ::sigh::

I love Tolkien. I remember taking 'The Hobbit' to school with me to read during the breaks. Chaucer was the second worst school in Sheffield, which said a lot for the school pupils, and reading was paramount to begging for a geek-beating and all things nasty.

::puffs out chest:: But...I was brave! I was noble! I was...picked on. ::shoulders slump:: I read it anyway, but the amounts of fights I had...sheesh.

Heh. I never lost a fight.

::cough:: Anyway, thanks for not being weirded off. Heh.

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

Well...I had a bit of an advantage, cos my mom was a judo-nut, and she was one of the very first female members of the Macao police, so she knew all the tricks to keep yourself safe. She had no place for weaklings.

She used to tell us that it didn't matter how hurt we were, as long as we hurt them more. She told us to be vicious and never stop. I think it was scarier having to face her to say we lost a fight, than it was to be bullied and be fighting six against one, which happily, only happened twice in five years.

Considering she was four-foot-nothing, she was amazingly scary.

But yeah, I didn't go to school until I was twelve, and I'd mostly taught myself from books, because our parents moved around a lot because of my dad's job, and by the time we got settled in, it wasn't worth going to school. My dad was dead clever though, and he'd review our work.

Chaucer was pretty bad. The teachers were sometimes worse. Our German teacher picked up a boy by his collar and threw him out of the room, literally, when he wouldn't shut up. Then he threw his desk after him, which luckily, was one of those small single place things.

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

The English legal system is utterly backwards and completely unfair. So there's really no point trying to sue unless your case can be sensationalised. If you're Working Class, or near it, you have no hope.

College was just as bad. If not worse.

But...enough depressing stuff. I want your school! (Even though I'm a decade too late to go...)

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

An interesting life. Well, there sure is that. Isn't that also a curse? I mean, it was enough for some of my ancestors to use as a curse. May you live in interesting times, indeed. ::head-desk:: I really just want a normal, ordinary life.

But...on the other hand, hearing about other people's lives, is something I enjoy hearing, so it's not all bad.

I notice that in your bio space you say you've been to 'China, Taiwan, Malaysia, Australia, Singapore' etc. I was born in Hong Kong, lived there and Macao for two years, have a brother who was born in Hong Kong just before we left, and I have a sister who was born in Thailand, another sister born in New Zealand, and the two youngest (one brother, the youngest another sister) born in the UK.

In between we traveled through most of Asia, including China, Australia, New Zealand and almost every body of land, small and large, in between. I actually didn't live in a house for more than a few months on end until we moved to the UK, and we went from one side of NZ to the other in a Volvo with a cat and a dog.

I would love to hear about your travels, and your views on things you saw/experienced. It's not often I'll meet someone who's lived in the same places I have, even if it was only for a brief period of time.

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

It's always a matter of the grass is greener phenomenon, isn't it? Places seem exotic unless you actually live there. Personally, I hate London, I've got too many really bad memories attached, and it's hard to appreciate the history of someplace when the people there are so bad, and believe it or not, almost everyone I've met in London I've regretted knowing over the past sixteen years.

[shi-koi.livejournal.com]

Yes. We know. We like teh shiny.

::cough:: I believe that if you're going to do something, you'd better make sure you're not going to regret it in the future, or regret not doing it, as the case may be. 'Course, because we're only human, we end up regretting loads anyway, at least in my experience.

Thank you. I found that icon a while back, but had no reason to use it.