Still in a state of existence...probably.
Feb. 4th, 2022 09:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shi_koiI know a lot of the time people say that they look back and then suddenly realise how much time has passed, and how much has happened, and then feel weird, or disconnected, or suddenly feel old...and they've got a point.
Mostly because I feel so damn old. It's weird to see how old the people I knew of as children now look. People that I interacted with and thought of as adults now look...old. Like. Wow. Grey hair, wrinkles and just...old.
I'm about to turn 41 in a few weeks, and I have a few streaks of grey hair. I'm a little bit excited about my hair turning grey, because I can finally break out the blue hair dye I've been hoarding and then use it without having to bleach my hair first.
But...it also hit me that Tony is getting old. He's had numerous surgeries. His wrists, back, shoulder. He's got almost as much grey as brown hair now. He sleeps more. Gets tired more. Can't do half the stuff he could even a few years back. He's over 50 years old.
I'm worried. I've been with him since I was 17, but it's never felt like a long time. When I'm with him, time flies. Now, I'm realising just how much has flown away.
I want another fifty years with him, but I feel like I have an invisible countdown timer above my head, counting away the days I have left with him.
It's not that I want time to stop. I just don't want it to keep disappearing so fast. I wish time wasn't a finite certainty, simply because I'm selfish. I want an eternity with Tony.
♥
Mostly because I feel so damn old. It's weird to see how old the people I knew of as children now look. People that I interacted with and thought of as adults now look...old. Like. Wow. Grey hair, wrinkles and just...old.
I'm about to turn 41 in a few weeks, and I have a few streaks of grey hair. I'm a little bit excited about my hair turning grey, because I can finally break out the blue hair dye I've been hoarding and then use it without having to bleach my hair first.
But...it also hit me that Tony is getting old. He's had numerous surgeries. His wrists, back, shoulder. He's got almost as much grey as brown hair now. He sleeps more. Gets tired more. Can't do half the stuff he could even a few years back. He's over 50 years old.
I'm worried. I've been with him since I was 17, but it's never felt like a long time. When I'm with him, time flies. Now, I'm realising just how much has flown away.
I want another fifty years with him, but I feel like I have an invisible countdown timer above my head, counting away the days I have left with him.
It's not that I want time to stop. I just don't want it to keep disappearing so fast. I wish time wasn't a finite certainty, simply because I'm selfish. I want an eternity with Tony.
♥
